An Introvert Living In An Extroverted World.

I heard a lot during this pandemic "I think I'm actually an introvert because I have loved spending more time at home!"

And it's not up to me to decide if someone is an introvert or an extrovert but I think there are a lot of misconceptions about being an introvert or extrovert.

I feel like a lot of people don't have a great understanding of what introversion and extroversion actually mean, and an even bigger amount don't even know that they're on a spectrum and that there is a third possibility, an ambivert.

This spectrum describes where an individual gets and directs their energy. So an introvert gets and directs their energy internally while extroverts get and direct their energy externally.

The third category, ambiverts, get their energy from both. They tend to be more fluid with where they get and direct their energy. This is where most people lie. Often times when I describe it those people who thought they became introverts say that ambivert fits them perfectly.

While there are many behaviours associated with introversion and extroversion they aren't a 100% match. For example, everyone assumes that an introvert is a shy person who likes to spend a lot of time at home, and that might be true. But you can have an outgoing introvert and a quieter extrovert. An extrovert can still become energized from spending time with a group of friends while enjoy spending time at home.

So back to the first statement.... It's not that the pandemic turned you into an introvert and just because you liked spending all that time at home during it doesn't mean you're an introvert. It could mean that society is normally set up to be so busy, on the go, and productivity and success are based on how much you do that your body was well overdue for the extra rest that came with the pandemic.

If you're curious to know where you lie there are tests. The Myers-Briggs test can be a good one (and tells you a lot more than just introvert vs extrovert) but there are also many tests that just focus on this.

I am a very classic introvert. Like the stereotype introvert, shy, hates big groups, needs lots of alone time (so much so that I started an online business where I could stay behind the scenes and work from home), low self-esteem, etc.

I kid you not, in my high school AP English class I had half a letter grade taken off because I "wouldn't talk in class." How about that for an ableist, extroverted bias.

But there are so many more reasons why introverts struggle in this extroverted world. It's set up so to help extroverts win and introverts have to struggle and often feel left behind, left out, or simply incapable.

Now every introvert is different and their struggles are not all the same. Some introverts may be fine with some of the things I'm talking about and some extroverts may struggle with them.

Introversion and extroversion are actually on a spectrum with Introvert and Extrovert being at the extreme ends (no one is the most extreme in any direction) so we have to acknowledge our inherent differences as well as, the cultural differences.

There are many cultures that come off as more extrovert and value extroverted traits but can still be introverted because they may get their energy from internal sources and there are many cultures that value more quiet and introverted traits but still be extroverted because they may get their energy from being around people (even if they are quiet).

But I'm going to talk about my own personal traits as a solid introvert.

5 struggles I have as an introvert in an extroverted world:

1. Having to do everything over the phone

There are so many parts of life that require you to talk to someone over the phone versus having a chat feature so simply being allowed to do something electronically.

As a shy introvert with anxiety, this is problematic. I often find myself procrastinating on accomplishing tasks that require me to have to call in, sit on hold for half a day, be "on," and have enough emotional stability to handle both the conversation and the potential for conflict.

Literally, the thing I hate the most is having to talk to someone on the phone. I think nowadays electronic means are more effective, reliable, and quick, it just makes sense to have that as an option. I also see this as very ableist. Regardless, if there is a diagnosis or not people can struggle with talking to strangers, problem-solving on the fly or being expected to produce an immediate answer, and understanding auditory directions and information. All of which I am generally unable to do.

Now struggling with this doesn't just have to be an introvert thing. It can also be associated with anxiety and extroverts can definitely have anxiety.

2. Working in an office with other people

A lot of jobs do not give the option to work at home (maybe they will after the pandemic and now that they realize they are able to still function with employees working from home). This can be problematic for an introvert, especially introverts who are empaths.

I found even sitting in a classroom surrounded by people was difficult and all I had to do was take notes and listen. I always knew I wasn't made for an office or cubicle job.

In offices, less work is actually accomplished because of the social aspect. This is a nightmare for introverts like me. Having to be "on" all day, being polite and engaging, at the end of the day all you can do is just fall asleep.

But introverts can potentially get even less done because they are being forced to take in so much external energy and potentially feeling everyone else's emotions. So it can often look like they're less productive, less capable, and a poor worker. But this is not the case.

I know for me when I am given the space to work on things without having to be around or dealing with people I can take my time to think through things and get work done much faster and to a better standard.

3. Being forced to work and be "on" during regular working hours

Now, this is both a mix of introversion and being neurodiverse. I often struggle with focusing for long periods of time, staying engaged with my work, and working consistently through the day.

For me, being allowed to get up and roam, intermittent working, and having the power to change activities or projects when I feel the need to is key to my success.

As an introvert, people are a huge distraction and sometimes I just feel the need to get away and take an energy break. In a regular working environment, the expectation is you work during the hours they assign, you work on the project they give you until you're done, and roaming is not productive. I've heard friends say that even working from home their management can track their movements based on their mouse and keyboard so they know how long the mouse has stopped moving.

In an office, it would be very effective for people's productivity, especially introverts (but extroverts too!) if there was more allowance and space for people to be able to find a less populated space to work or to be able to take frequent energy breaks.

4. Applying and interviewing for jobs

As an introvert, I have the hardest time applying to jobs that either require me to submit a video, be interviewed with a panel, or interview with no preparation with trick and detailed questions (I am a very literal / black-and-white thinker).

Introverts with the same traits as me often have a difficult time being put on the spot or going on video. It can take a lot of preparation and takes a lot of energy away when it could be best spent somewhere else such as doing an awesome job and the actual work they are applying to do.

I'm the kind of introvert that needs the space to take something away, think it through when the inspiration strikes, and then come back with a completed proposal and submit it without having to do a presentation to a group or even one person.

5. Keeping up with the quickly changing trends and news and needing to post it all publicly

There is a lot going on in the world, have you noticed? Currently, there is this extroverted expectation that you have to always be talking about everything, showing off everything you're doing, or "prove yourself" to the world otherwise you're a bad person.

But often introverts, especially shy, neurodiverse ones or people who have experienced trauma are not as vocal or comfortable being so open or feel the need to "show off" all they're doing. Introverts care just as much (sometimes maybe more) about everything that is going on but they aren't so keen to share their opinions in a public forum.

For me, I do a lot of work and learning behind the scenes. I share as much as I can because I know it's the right thing to do but I also acknowledge my limitations. Many people are comfortable and become energized by talking about and sharing their opinions for others and that's great but many aren't and instead their processes are more internal (like introverts).

This is a difficult trait to talk about and one that I almost didn't put in this blog. But one that I'm sure many introverts can understand and may appreciate knowing there are others who think like them.

I'm not saying that being an introvert gives you a free pass to let injustices pass by and never say anything. Not at all. But something to keep in mind, extroverts on average tend to speak more, make decisions quickly, are action-takers, are expressive and excellent communicators. Introverts on the other hand tend to listen more, reflect before making decisions or act, they're introspective, and they learn through observation. 

All of these traits are necessary for society but they don't all have to come from the same people. We have moved into a world where we expect everyone to have all of those traits. We expect people to make decisions quickly but also be reflective and detail-oriented, we expect people to be great listeners and speakers at the same time, we expect people to be both expressive and introspective. But not everyone has the natural ability to accomplish all of those things.

Introverts, like me, get there, just not as quickly as extroverts.

Once again, there is a lot of mix of traits between introverts and extroverts and many other factors such as mental health, trauma, disability and neurodiversity, cultural expectations and teachings, and so much more that plays into these things.

This was not a blog to say that all introverts experience these same struggles and all extroverts are the opposite. To learn more about where you fall on the spectrum I highly recommend taking an assessment.

Do you know where you fall on the spectrum? Send an email to [email protected] to let me know!

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