3 Things Perfectionism Has Taken From You

Perfectionism is a tough one. People often joke about it when they take a lot of time to do a task or are detail-oriented. But the reality is, for those who struggle with it, it's no laughing matter.

Perfectionism can hold you back from accomplishing what you deserve and what you know you can accomplish. AMIRIGHT?!

I believe perfectionism is a sign of low self-love.

Think about it...

Perfectionism is often about performing. You grew up under pressure to perform well; get the top grades, be the best athlete, win the awards. You were praised for doing well, that's when you received attention that felt like love. Your parents/guardians were proud of you and showered you with love.

When you didn't perform, when you got a bad grade, when you didn't get the award or when you made a mistake, you were, at best, ignored, at worst, scolded. I came home one day with a low grade in math, got in trouble, and was told to find a tutor.

Since that was no fun, you learned that in order to be worthy of love and praise, you needed to perform well, and you ended up with a fear of not performing well. This fear turned into anxiety which turned into perfectionism.

You ended up being so afraid of "failing" in other people's eyes that you ended up not being able to perform at all. You stress over the smallest details, and you spend so much time thinking something isn't right and revising it before being able to put it out to be sure it's perfect. It never goes out, and maybe you read program descriptions or job descriptions and think you're not ready, qualified or good enough for it.

Am I on track?

Perfectionism takes so much from you. You don't often realize since you don't have it, but when you do have it, you realize how amazing it is.

So what has perfectionism taken from you?

1. Simply doing things because you enjoy them

When perfectionism runs the show, you often do things because you a) feel you have to, b) feel you have to impress people, or c) you feel you need to earn your worth. It can often feel like enjoyment is the last priority.

For me, this has turned into being overly competitive. I will actually decline to play games because I am afraid my "true colours" will show through. Instead, I'll watch and often beak others to get some laughs. I don't enjoy playing board games with friends because I either get upset about not winning or I have to spend the entire game controlling my competitive impulses and never get to just enjoy the game.

You have to relearn how to enjoy the things in your life. Read, not to learn, but to just enjoy a book, do a puzzle or play a game to simply enjoy playing it, not to be the best, draw or paint a picture not to impress anyone or to sell it but to enjoy the act of doing it.

2. Being present in the small moments in life

Remember how I told you when I play games with friends, I have to spend the whole time controlling my impulses, and I never get to simply enjoy playing the game? Having to be so in my head stops me from being present in that moment. I don't get to simply be there with my friends.

Perfectionism occupies a space in your mind for almost every moment. You tend to be so afraid of failing, disappointing or underperforming that in each moment, you struggle to be in that moment, notice things and get out of your head.

Try challenging yourself. Go for a walk, a hike or to the beach/another beautiful area and take time to observe your surroundings. Look at the trees, the water, the critters. Let your work, your home life and any other stressors go for just those few moments you unplug and observe.

3. Feeling passionate about things with no pressure

This is a tricky one because nowadays, everything needs to be "monetized." Artists can't simply create art they have to sell it and make their living. Singers can't simply sing for the enjoyment of it they have to become recording artists. It's the same thing with what you're passionate about. Do you ever feel this push to monetize the things you're passionate about?

But if you've ever read Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, then you'll know that you don't have to make a career out of everything you're passionate about. Creativity can just be something you love. You don't need to use it to prove your worth or impress anyone you can do it simply because you're passionate about it and you like doing it.

Ask yourself what you're passionate about. Then ask yourself how you can pursue this passion without all the extra stress and pressure of it having to be your main source of income or the way you impress people. If your passion depends on others to be successful and something you love, maybe it's time to take a step back and figure out how to release those needs.

Perfectionism is a tricky being that likes to take control of your mind and force you to do things and act in a certain way. But we don't have to let it have control.

You can train or reprogram your brain out of these habits. People aren't born perfectionists. It's something that's learned over time. That means you can also unlearn it.

What has perfectionism taken from you?