What it means to be a "misfit"

Have you ever felt like you just "don't fit in"?

A word that I have been throwing around lately is the term "misfit." Recently, I decided that I wanted to embrace my neurodiversity instead of hiding it from the world (and myself) and having to be something I'm not (neurotypical).

I'm still dabbling about what that actually means to me. There are obviously set labels that can be used and it's a process to figure out what feels right for me.

This is a personal choice.

But not everyone who feels like they "don't fit in" feels this way because of a neurodiversity. Some people can feel this way for a multitude of other reasons. How you self-identify is entirely up to YOU and what you define that identity as is also entirely up to you.

As I embraced my neurodiversity I decided that I wanted my coaching services to be a safe place for people who felt different, like me, to land.

I found that in the coaching space there were a lot of neurotypical coaches who didn't understand what it was like to feel so different, to feel so isolated, especially in the health and wellness industry. There tended to be one voice, one method, one message.

I never really felt like I had a place in this world it felt like.

So I decided to create my own place, my own words, my own message.

That's when I came up with the word misfit.

Have you ever watched Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer? In it, Rudolph makes it to the Island of Misfit Toys and finds friends among all these toys who don't fit the normal narrative for what they're supposed to be such as a train with square wheels. Instead of feeling isolated, they found a home together.

I like the word misfit. For me, it's fun and I feel a connection to it.

I know what misfit means to me but the idea is I cannot define what it means to anyone else.

I added "misfit" to my niche statement as a way for people to self-identify. Mentors trying to help me hone in on my niche suggested that I define what it meant to "not fit in" or what "misfit" meant and I contemplated it but decided to not do it. Those who do not fit in or feel like they don't fit in will know what that means to them. I also cannot define misfit because then I'm potentially adding a label to those who wouldn't identify as that and isolating others who might have self-identified but don't fit the definition I created.

My mentors told me that stating that I am not defining it is exactly the right move!

As someone who has a lot of labels or has had other people label me things, I am not in the market to label anyone. I cannot tell anyone who they are or what they are called.

I feel empowered calling myself a misfit. I love it. And I'm taking charge of it. The problem lies when others try to control the label or how we identify.

For example, often when 5-year-old kids can't sit still in class the teacher goes to the parents and recommends seeking an ADHD diagnosis. If the child receives one the teacher often has preconceived notions of what that means. They control the diagnosis, what that means, and put expectations on children.

In my degree I discovered that people with ADHD actually have a higher IQ than their age related peers but they almost always score and perform a lot worse than their peers and this is due to teachers (or bosses) putting expectations on them and then those children or adults essentially "meeting those expectations." If you're told for years that you have ADHD and that you can't focus and you can't do schoolwork eventually (especially children) you will succeed in meeting those expectations.

So, that being said, I will never define someone else. I will never tell someone how they have to identify and therefore, I will not be defining what it means to be a misfit.

If this you, then awesome! We are part of the same tribe. Other misfits, other neurodivergents, other people who don't feel like they fit in, you are my people. We fit in together.

If this isn't you, then that's awesome too.

Whoever you are, however you identify, that is exactly the perfect answer. You are exactly who you need to be and that is beautiful.

Misfits unite!

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